Over-Parenting: Am I doing too much for my child?

Over-Parenting: Are You Doing Too Much for Your Child?

This is a somewhat uncomfortable subject, but there seems to be a concern these days over parents who “do too much.”

The problem of “learned helplessness” has reared its head lately, as children struggle to be independent after having everything done for them.

Are you over-parenting? Are you doing too much for your child? How can you tell?

First of all, be easy on yourself. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty or condemned. Just take a look at your parenting and check out these tips, and make adjustments where you see fit.

1. “It’s Just Easier to Do It Myself”

Yes, in the short term, it is. Who has the time to listen to their seven-year-old gripe about tying his or her shoes – and act like he “can’t” by doing it wrong on purpose – when you need to get out the door or be late? In some cases, it’s better to be late…or anticipate this delay and allow time for it. Likely, it will only happen a few times before your child gets the hint that s/he better just tie their shoes.

Please note, though, that this will only work if your child knows how to do the task you’re expecting, whether it’s tying shoes or getting dressed or making the bed. If your child really doesn’t know how to do something, take the time to teach him/her first so that you both don’t end up frustrated. That brings us to the next point…

2. Give Your Kids Tools

Parents can err in two extremes – on the one hand, we do too much and don’t let them do anything on their own; but on the other hand, we can’t expect our kids to do things they don’t know how to do. The middle ground is giving kids the tools they need and then getting out of the way.

“Tools” come in the form of life skills, from preparing food to school projects to job interviews. If you step aside too soon, your child may not have the tools s/he needs to go forward with the task at hand and may give up. If you step in too often or too soon, your child may presume s/he can’t do it (or not care to bother since you’re doing it) and also give up. So a good idea is to teach your kids the skills involved and then step aside once you know that they know.

Sometimes, that means giving how-to details that can seem ridiculous to an adult but are necessary for a child.

3. Are You Fostering Internal Motivation?

Ultimately, motivation must come from within for true independence, say experts. Broad requests like “do your homework” or “clean your room” can seem overwhelming (think “clean your house” if you’re an adult! It’s a huge task when you phrase it that way).

Coaching and encouragement are fine, experts note; that’s not the same as doing the task for your child. Try making a checklist so s/he can see the steps involved in the chore or task at hand. Instead of “do your homework,” for example, you could make a list like this:

* Find comfy place to set up books
* Get a drink and a snack
* Write out spelling words and study list
* Do math worksheet
* Read chapter of book and write paragraph summary

You can break it down further, too, into sub-steps – whatever works for your child. Also, a list (preferably one your child helps write out) keeps you from having to tell him/her what to do over and over.

How do you teach your children things to do for themselves, that you normally did for them, around the house?

Let me know in the comments.

I hope you have a happy, healthy, and safe Thanksgiving.

I am so thankful that you took the time to read my post and I hope it helps you in some way.

 

 

Hello, my name is Kristen Osborne I am a happy mother of one beautiful little girl. Very into the internet and trying out new things.

14 of my top favorite blogs for 2016

 

My Top Favorite Blogs of 2016

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I am addicted to reading blogs. All different types, from food and family to fashion and lifestyle. This is a big reason why I decided to start blogging.

The bloggers on this list are the ones I have been reading most this year. Some a lot more than others. They are in no particular order. But, most of them are mom blogs.

I get a lot of inspiration and also helpful tips from these bloggers. They are wonderful and creative people. Definitely, check them out and add them to your blog reading list.

My top favorite blogs 2016

14 Blogs I’ve really loved this year:

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http://www.everythingmommyhood.com/ blog reviews, recipes, giveaways, DIY and owns a blogging community https://www.facebook.com/groups/MommyhoodMediaBloggers/

http://www.powered-by-mom.com/ about connecting, sharing and building community

http://www.lifeofasouthernmom.com/ reviews, giveaways, recipes, and helpful tips

http://theblogdiva.com/ product reviews, gossip and everyday life experiences

http://www.momalwaysfindsout.com/ family life, recipes, crafts, travel and much more

http://livingwellmom.com/ Everyday ideas for healthy living and Realistic inspiration for real moms

http://www.sahmsue.com/ dedicated to making life less stressful and more fulfilling for moms. You’ll find ideas for stressing less and enjoying life more, organizing ideas, activities for kids, real-life parenting insight, easy recipes, and realistic tips for living life more naturally

http://www.thesahlife.com/ life, favorite recipes, crafts, parenting tips and ideas, budgeting and money-saving tips, and more

http://www.imasillymami.com/ real-life experiences with humor and lots of sarcasm

http://womenwinningonline.com/ Jen teaches you how to Start your own online business, tips for More effective marketing of your online business, how to Get more followers for your online business, How to Earn more money in your online business, and how to Add tools to your business to make your life easier.

http://mummyswritingdarling.co.uk/ Writing about motherhood to keep above water. If I can’t make you laugh- then we can cry (and drink) together.

http://www.momadvice.com/ a community for women that are looking for ways to stay organized, stay sane, and stay within their budget.

http://www.abeautifulmess.com/ Cheers to doin’-it-yourself, always learning, trying, failing, dreaming big, enjoying the small stuff, and above all else … embracing imperfection. Life is better when it’s a little bit messy. home decor projects, recipes, and crafts

http://www.ladolcevitablog.com/ design sensibility is a modern take on traditional style– gravitating towards classic silhouettes and timeless pieces paired with a touch of glamor and an infusion of color. Through her design approach, Paloma is able to create comfortable, luxurious spaces reflective of her clients’ tastes, interests, and lifestyles. Paloma believes that the most beautiful interiors are also the most personal.

These really are some great bloggers. I highly recommend checking out at least one of them. You will not be disappointed.

Who are your favorite bloggers this year?

Do you have a blog in mind that has helped you out a lot this year?

Let me know in the comments so I can check them out as well.

Have a wonderful Weekend!!

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Hello, my name is Kristen Osborne I am a happy mother of one beautiful little girl. Very into the internet and trying out new things.